A few other firsts for me.
Posted:Feb 3, 2019 5:53 pm
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2019 5:37 pm

I've been fantasizing about submissive, exhibitionist, and masochistic stuff since long before I even understood they were sexual.

I've only experienced IRL a small percentage of the things I've thought of and read A LOT (both fiction and non-fiction) about.

Last night I found out that I really do like a few things I thought I might, but wasn't sure about because I hadn't tried them!

1. Nipple pain beyond what I can give myself. I really am awful at multi-tasking. So, I haven't been able to experiment with self-given nipple pain AND concentrate on having an orgasm at the same time. My brain just doesn't work that way. (Yes, it's true that I can't text and walk at the same time.) I've known for a long time that I can cum from nipple stimulation alone. Especially oral stimulation. These examples will sound like stuff I could easily do on my own and while that's true, I can't do them AND focus on cumming. I found out I really like squeezing of my nipples, being pulled, and then being "snapped" let go. And hit with a belt on my nipples. Yes, please. More.

2. Being spanked. In my early days of masturbation, I tried spanking myself. It was more psychological than physical because, again, I can't multitask! This was only the second time I've ever really been spanked. Not just a swat. I got extremely turned on by it. I don't know if it was the physical feeling or the fact that it really did hurt but I was taking it for the enjoyment of the person who was giving it to me. Unlike the belt whacks on my breasts which didn't feel like pain at all, just pleasurable, the spanking actually hurt. He asked if it was too much when I'd make noise, or tense, or (I was over his lap) squeeze his leg. I was so turned on I could only answer no instead of asking for more. (I'm positive that I would have had NO problem saying stop if it were too much. Just to be clear.)

3. Back to the belt. I've never had my nipples or pussy/clit spanked or otherwise hit. It was definitely gentle-ish, but I loved it on my nipples. Being spanked with a belt on my pussy? I want to try that again. Because at the force he was using, I didn't really feel anything at all. No, it was nice. But neither OMG, please keep doing that, nor OMG, please stop.

To add some more information: We don't have official safewords. He would stop if I told him to or even if he suspected I was not enjoying myself. It's a VERY unofficial D/s type of relationship. In Facebook lingo, "it's complicated." But, I trust him 100% and probably more than anyone else I've ever known.

And, yes, this is the guy I referred to in an earlier post about being heartbroken.

I don't know how all of this works for people who are exploring BDSM. My knowledge, which is extensive, I think, is almost all theoretical. I know what I want to try, but I don't know if I will actually like it as much as I do in fantasy. I don't know how to approach that with people IRL. I want a lot more from this guy than he can give (and he can't for extremely practical and non-evasive reasons), but I can still really appreciate that he's able to let me try things out with someone I would trust with all of my life.

Are you at all interested in knowing me in real life? This is how I am. I talk/write a LOT. That's how I make sense of the world. My world, anyway.
1 comment
Even old sluts can learn new tricks.
Posted:Feb 3, 2019 5:18 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2019 7:20 pm

Had an orgasm last night that literally made me say out loud, "What the fuck was that?!?"

I was with a FWB and had just had an intense g-spot stimulated orgasm. Him standing at the end of the bed, me on my back, my legs over his shoulders and he was lifting me up and down. Intense g-spot orgasm.

Then he let me catch my breath and did it again. I came again in seconds. I didn't know that was possible! That's when I said the above quote. He laughed and asked if I was ready for another one. I said, no. He said he didn't care and did it again (FWIW, this was, in reality, totally ok, not non-consensual, to be clear.) And it happened again!

Anyway, that was a first for me. Had no idea it was possible. And I've been around the block, or, to be honest, the city perimeter, a few times. LOL.

For a few more details. the first orgasm like that made me expel him from inside me. (My internal thought when that happened: "OH! That was rude!") And I think I'm glad we're both middle aged and not in the best shape. I might have passed out if he were capable of going on like that.
More personal understanding about submission and me
Posted:Jan 19, 2019 6:54 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2019 7:20 pm

I'm pretty sure I'm repeating myself here, but what the hell. I write to figure out my own thoughts. But, keeping those thoughts to myself doesn't work as well as when I write them for an audience. I think I need the motivation of making those thoughts somewhat clear enough for another to understand?

So, I've been reading the book Light Switch by Lauren Gallagher which, I think, is a fairly realistic (as far as a novel that would appeal to people can be) story about someone being introduced to submission. Along with other stuff.

I put myself into the place of the main character and felt like if I was "submitting" to the character in the book introducing her to BDSM, I'd just giggle and laugh and say no the fuck no.

BUT. I'm in a sort of undefined relationship with someone right now who I don't feel that way at all. I can't express how much I wholeheartedly TRUST him. I mean, I'd literally be willing to bet my life that he would never intentionally hurt me and would do anything to avoid hurting me. And I have a deep driving desire to please him. I'm not altruistic. I probably wouldn't feel that way if at least some of what he wants is also what I want. But, that overlap in what we want makes me completely willing to venture into what doesn't overlap. (I really want to use a Venn diagram here; I'm very fond of Venn diagrams.)

I have the feeling like some people might read this and go, uhhhh D'uh!

But, it's a revelation to me. Because, in general, the idea of being submissive to someone makes me laugh and want to do whatever I can to prove otherwise, instinctively. But... not to this particular person. Maybe not to other particular people?

I couldn't submit, willingly, to someone who didn't want to make me happy, too. So, the kinks have to have an overlap. But, it doesn't have to be a full overlap?

FWIW, I'm not in any way whatsoever criticizing anyone who does feel submissive to more people than I'm being particular about here. That would be the same as if I were to criticize people who want to dominate, IMO. Nonsensical.

Not wanting to or not being ABLE to submit to the vast majority of people doesn't make me a "fake" submissive. (If you think it does, that's fine, just move on.)

FWIW, I'm only about halfway through the book. And I've gotten to a point where the Dom character has shown himself to be extremely understanding about the main character's limits and inexperience. I put myself into character's places too much when reading erotica. So, I was not liking the positions she was being put into. (Not literally... situational positions.) But now he's more like the guy I'm with right now. I "failed" him a couple of times and just wanted to shrivel up and hide. It wasn't outright disobedience, it was physical failure, without getting more specific. I'm still feeling ashamed by it, but HE wasn't angry or punitive or anything other than understanding.

Due to lots of reasons, we can't have a more involved relationship than we already do, but he's helped me understand that it's possible. I won't necessarily want to just laugh and tell everyone to fuck off.

I should change my username to something that warns people about how ridiculously verbose I am.
Yet one more figuring things out out-loud.
Posted:Jan 17, 2019 11:57 pm
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2019 7:20 pm

On another platform I asked for recommendations for a book, fiction or non-fiction, that had BDSM, hopefully D/s, scenes that were relatively realistic. I'm about 20% through one of the suggested books. Which, btw, I really like.

Submission. I'm not naturally submissive. Except for when I am. The book I chose to start reading first has the main character trying our submission with a friend of hers who she trusts. For me, reading about how he switches from "friend" to "Dom" makes my stomach drop.

I think I'm on the s-side of things because I really do like to please and I hate to disappoint. Those are extreme emotions for me. But, they don't apply to absolutely everyone.

OTOH, and I'm talking in real and every day life here, if someone tried to "dominate" or direct me, I'd laugh in their face.

For example, I'm in a relationship with a guy who I am submissive to. Not want to. Not need to. Not hope to. I just am. I trust him 100%. He doesn't necessarily want to dominate me (it's complicated) but I just AM submissive to him. Not just sexually, though mostly that. If he wanted me to be high protocal or, well, the list would be long, other things I'm not generally into? Yup, I'd do it to make him happy and THAT would meake ME happy. But any old guy using a stern voice or demeanor, even if they're really good at it? Nope. I'd giggle.

It's really hard for me to imagine that feeling with someone else. But, it's what I want. Even though I don't have an established relationship with this particular person I know that's what makes me feel whole.

So, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Am I a sub? Every part of me resists that in general. But, with very specific people, I can't resist it, even if I try.
More thoughts about labels
Posted:Jan 13, 2019 7:13 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2019 6:58 pm


I only want it during sex. But, I also want it all the time and just regarding sex. With understanding that, hey, sometimes I'm at work or with other people or sick, etc. I crave being owned/submissive in relation to sex and I have a very high sex drive. I love the idea of my sex drive being revved up even more knowing that it could be taken advantage at (almost) any time. I want someone I trust to take advantage of my sex drive.

I also really do love being useful to people and that plays into my feeling like I have submissive traits. I like service. Just not for everyone or anyone. Definiely not to anyone who simply expects it. I need it to be appreciated.

And being sexually submissive doesn't mean that I don't want to cum. I do. Very much. A lot. I like the idea of edging... that it makes one even more turned on. Unfortunately (?) that doesn't work for me. It sounds so delicious! But, if I'm edged too much I lose all interest in sex instead. OTOH, the more orgasms I have the more I want to cum again. Or so it seems. I'd love to have that tested. The more I cum and the more I want to, the more I'm willing to admit the crazy things I want to do. Hence, yes, the reason it's a bad idea to negotiate mid-scene. But, it's a great way to find out what I might want to negotiate later. LOL.

Next, I'm not sure if I'm a masochist or not. I think I like some pain. I like giving myself some sometimes. But, I don't have a lot of experience with that with others so I can't be sure. The few times I felt what I think is mild pain during sex I enjoyed it. But... how do I know what is "mild"? Anyway, it's something I'd like to explore and that I don't think I can figure out like I could with submission without actual experience. The IDEA of associating pain with sexual pleasure turns me on, though.

Bondage. I'm definitely interested in that even though I have very little experience in it. I've tried self-bondage. (And I'm bad at it.) I like it. But, I think that relates to my being turned on by sexual submission. Giving up control.
Discipline: Related to the masochism and submission parts. I want to be punished if I don't submit. I enjoy some pain, but mentally I enjoy enduring pain. I know that I couldn't handle discipline in the sense of being scolded. If I was scolded by someone I wanted to please, that would be much worse than any sort of physical punishment. So, this is weird. I want to be in a relationship with someone who, if they scolded me, I'd be devastated and that they would know that.

I'm figuring out what I want and writing helps me and writing in a way that others can read it makes it more helpful. So, thanks for reading.
1 comment
Thinking about how to update my profile
Posted:Jan 2, 2019 9:31 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2019 7:00 pm

Yes, yes, yes, I COMPLETELY aware that already too verbose. That's me. Verbose. Take it or leave it.

I also know even for anyone who doesn't mind that there's still only so much one can read and take in.

I've been extremely hesitant to meet up with anyone IRL unlike how I used to be here. Somewhat because of a few scary experiences, somewhat because of insecurity.

AND unlike when I was in my early 30s I *really* know what looking for now. very, very particular. Do I write that all out in my profile? Or just wait for someone to write to me here who fits or gets it? Should I write a blog post about it and hope that someone interested in my profile will read it?

Mostly just thinking out loud here. Writing helps me to figure out my own thoughts. Knowing that someone else might read my writing helps even more for some reason. Forces me to try to be more clear.

I really would appreciate any input, though. Even if I end up ignoring it, I'll still appreciate it. Men and women have extremely different experiences on this and other similar sites, so I WANT to know what not considering.

OTOH if your advice is for me to use less words, that ain't gonna happen. It might be more ideal, but I just can't do it.
How did I do this before?
Posted:Dec 25, 2018 9:55 pm
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2019 8:28 pm

I can't remember. This isn't a deep insightful post title. I mean literally.

How long did I message someone before deciding to meet up with them IRL? Did I plan the actual meetup here or on the email address I used back then? How far in advance were meetups planned? Days? Hours? Weeks?

I can't remember.

Whatever it was it worked most of the time.

Since way-back-when I've had a few kind of scary situations with people I've met online and gave my personal information to too early, so I think more hesitant to move things off of TV TS Dating and into real life (email or cell number) than I was back in my heyday.

Other changes in "online dating" (trying to encompass everything related to people looking to connect IR is making this like starting all over again. Texting wasn't a thing when I was here before. Neither was chatting. about the furthest you can get from a Luddite, but still adapting to these changes.

I reactivated an account on a "normal" dating site and apparently because I was using it from the website instead of from an app on a mobile device I had no idea what people were referring to about it.

I hate the phone. I hate making or answering phone calls. SO much more comfortable with email. But texting and chatting? They are like phone calls but worse. You're expected to answer as they happen. You have no time to think through a response to something. But, there's also no tone of voice to help guide what someone meant AND it's expected that you'll be very brief.

I not a brief person.

I can adapt though. I'll figure it all out. I know I had a steep and long learning curve when I first got on this site and ago. sure it will be easier this time. But, I still figuring it out.

I REALLY want to get out there again. But using TV TS Dating is NOT like riding a bicycle like I hoped it would be.

Rant over.
Man problems. Woman problems.
Posted:Dec 22, 2018 8:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2018 8:45 pm

Look, overall, I do think IN GENERAL women have more gender-related problems than men do. I don't want to argue that point in this post (though I'd be happy to discuss it IRL.)

Having said that. Guys must have such a frustrating time on this site and even other more vanilla dating sites. FWIW, women's problems on these sites contribute to the men's problems and vice versa, etc. etc.

I get tons of messages from guys that I can tell are sending the exact same message to every woman. Which I understand. Because the odds of a woman responding are low, so why make any effort.

OTOH, every single woman on here is inundated with messages. It's exhausting to find one that seems like the guy made an effort and actually read your profile and isn't just randomly spamming.

And then there's the majority of men who would like to know that they're being turned down, in a polite way. This is rare for a woman who's spent any amount of time on these sites because there's a very real chance that any man is the one that, when rejected, responds with threatening and insulting messages. When that happens, it's scary and hurtful. Please note that it is a minority of men who do this but almost all women will have experienced it at some point. It's just not worth the risk.

Some messages I get here are obviously from guys who have read my profile but then get kind of scary. Especially if I don't respond right away.

Sorry, I'm starting to get into the problems women have here when I really did mean to focus on my understanding about the problems guys have here. It's just that the problems women have are the reason guys have problems a lot of the time.

I do understand, even if I can't completely get it, that it must be exhausting and demoralizing to have a teeny tiny of your messages responded to.

FWIW, I won't respond myself (and this is VERY personal to JUST me) to one-liners, posts with typos and misspellings, anything that looks like it could have been sent to anyone, anyone who send personal info like a phone number in their first message, anyone who has an extremely generic profile. There's more, but those are the most common ones.

Dammit. I know I wrote this post because another post I wanted to write wouldn't make sense without it, but now I've forgotten my original post topic! Oh well. I'll remember eventually.
Real chicks on TV TS Dating: the experience
Posted:Dec 21, 2018 7:47 pm
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2018 8:15 pm

First of all this is NOT a comparison of who has it worse or better on TV TS Dating based on gender. Not at all.

It IS meant to help guys who message me AND those who are messaging other women.

As a woman who has spent a lot of time here both as an "older" woman and as a woman in a more preferred age range, I have broad experiences about what it's like to be a woman here.


Say something that indicates you read a woman's profile. Of course, this is assuming the woman's profile you're reading and responding to is a real woman and not a bot. Sorry, differentiating the two is beyond this post.

This might be super personal, but, if she has a blog read it.

Understand that even if she's not a bot and if she's super interested she might not want to meet up on the spot. You'd think that might be because of safety reasons and yes, that's a factor. But it's also because women, more than man, kind of have to prepare. Shaving, makeup, outfit, etc.

Guys, you don't have any idea (in general) how many messages women get on a site like this. That's not a brag or a beg for sympathy. You just to understand that there's only so many hours in the day and even the women who aren't the most wanted have to read and delete a lot of worthless emails. If you wrote an ideal one and are perfect for that particular women it still might take a while for her to get to it.

Hey, completely normal guys? about to get a ton of comments and/or messages from guys berating me for this post. Try to understand that that's what the women you're interested in are dealing with.
1 comment
Still figuring myself out
Posted:Dec 20, 2018 6:55 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2018 8:46 pm

Still not confident enough to be meeting people IRL through here. FWIW, you can see on my profile via testimonials and through my blog that I have met up with people IRL through here, so it's not totally theoretical.

I probably need to rewrite my profile. I just hate to get rid of what I wrote because I like how it came out and it's still true... it just needs some updates?

I think I wrote here that I had resisted the word submissive. I'm rethinking that. I think I AM submissive but only to very specific people. Not just in general.

I'm trying to come to terms with some of my fantasies that aren't really the kind that you just fantasize about and don't want to happen for real. There are some I DO want to happen but are too hard to admit.

A lot of this "coming to terms with" has happened through my reconnecting with someone I connected with originally here back in the old days. While I'm grateful that he's helped me figure things out about what I really want I'm also feeling heartbroken that he didn't/doesn't want to make any of it real. Which is part of what's made me realize what I want to be real and what I don't!

All of this is to say, to anyone who reads this and has also sent me a message, that I'm working on it all. I'm NOT a bot. I'm trying to figure out what I want, how to get it, and how to be safe all at the same time.

For anyone who does read this, thanks for listening.
Figuring out what I want
Posted:Dec 10, 2018 7:30 pm
Last Updated:Dec 13, 2018 5:35 pm

Without getting into a long explanation, my suppressed libido was recently reactivated. Hence my making an account here and elsewhere.

I reactivated an hookup/relationship. Reactivated fantasies. Months later, I've figured out and accepted that they were just that... fantasies. Which, btw, totally ok with with this person! But, now my appetite has been awakened.

I've been celibate for . Almost a decade. Partially due to getting older and gaining weight but THOSE were also due to a personal tragedy. So, now ready to go back to my true self and figuring out how to do that. Especially with those insecurities still lingering.

I don't have any objective with this post. Just needed to say it.
Fiction BDSM Erotica
Posted:Dec 9, 2018 6:37 pm
Last Updated:Dec 21, 2018 5:00 pm

Overall, it sucks. It's fantasy. It's SO unreal. Even the classics. The Sleeping Beauty trilogy. Story of O. The Marketplace series. SOOOO erotic. But, complete fantasy. (FWIW, I'm not even going to touch on 50 Shades here. That deserves its own dissertation.)

I'm making a *sweeping* generalization here next. I know this isn't true of literally all women. I know that it's not NOT true of literally all men. Having said that... I think that women, more than men, put themselves in the place of the women when reading erotica. Maybe not even the majority of women. Just more women than men do this.

I do this. I have a hard time losing myself into erotica if some part of it is super against what I'd be into or would do. I've only recently realized this. BUT, I also more recently realized that I can ignore the parts that are not turn ons for me or are not what I would choose, IF the rest is extremely close to what I like or what I'd choose. It's a balance even if not a conscious one.

I've recently been enjoying the Masters of the Shadowlands series. Yes, I know, they are still unrealistic. I don't know if these were written before or after the 50 Shades series, but the idea that Doms have to be wealthy is a turn off for me. And it's not realistic to hope to encounter an "ideal" experienced Dom who is willing to and able to read a new sub. But, it's still not the same kind of unrealistic as, say, The Story of O.

I never read traditional romance books. Maybe those are like this, too. Extremely unlikely, but not science fiction level of unreal.

I hope I can find even more realistic, more LIKELY to happen stories.
1 comment
The scent of arousal
Posted:Dec 1, 2018 10:39 pm
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2018 6:24 pm

Another form of exhibitionism.

Yes, I know a LOT of guys don't like what a perfectly healthy pussy smells like. This post is not for you. I'm not about to shame anyone for what they like or don't like. Just being upfront.

Apparently, I have a particularly potent scent when aroused. I might be a bit narcissistic -- I enjoy the scent. I've had a few partners who have commented on it. Luckily, positively. They told me that they could always tell when I was truly aroused because they could smell it.

It's a sensitive subject for me because of how SO many people object to the scent or taste or look of a woman's pussy. (And I am talking about when there's no infection or something similar going on, just to be clear.)

For those who aren't grossed out, though? Just like my previous post about being naked under my clothes... I wonder if anyone can sense that I'm turned on when I am which is a lot of the time. I figure if I can smell it than others can.

Has anyone ever noticed that someone near them is extremely aroused just by the scent?

To link to this blog (rm_chislut) use [blog rm_chislut] in your messages.

 rm_chislut 44F
44 F
February 2019
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
elderdaemon  58M2/15
skipper10444  59M2/15
1GuyFromChicago  42M2/14
moos106_7  47M2/14
biggen2002  58M2/13
lonely4us68  50M2/13
thetimeisnow192 37M2/12
Apprec8teURASLUT  39M2/11