Finding out I'm the Other Woman
Posted:Apr 25, 2019 8:14 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2019 5:44 pm

So, I already on hiatus for a little bit due to health issues. See previous blog post. But now...? Might last longer.

I've been seeing a guy for a few months now. And I just found he's seeing someone else and the secret. I have no problem with seeing someone who is poly or in an open relationship. I have only explicitly asked/stated I NOT be a secret.

He knew how strongly I felt about this. He also knew how much I didn't want to be lied to. So, he never directly TOLD he was seeing on the side. *I* was the secret. He honestly, I think, answered he wasn't married when I'd asked.

But now I've found out he outright lied to . Directly. Lying by omission, to , isn't quite the same as just lying. I mention because I know it's not the same for everyone and because I'd literally mentioned to him before. But, no, this was a direct lie.

Ok, I didn't mean for this to become a rant. Really. I got back into this site and other ways of meeting guys again after being a hermit for almost due to a major betrayal in another personal relationship. It killed . It took this long to think maybe not just completely unlikable. So... yeah, I might just retreat again.

Ok, yeah, I ranting here. I mistakenly thought being a woman on a site like this meant I could just be blatantly honest about what I was looking for and I could expect guys to get and be honest in return. Or something. Changed my mind about for now.

Fuck. First time out after being burned and I get scorched.
I'm on haitus
Posted:Apr 13, 2019 7:02 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2019 6:57 pm

NOT willingly. TMI? the queen of TMI. I don't believe in TMI being TM.

So, having a hysterectomy on Tuesday, April th. Which, in the long run is going to actually be awesome for my sex life. No more pain. No more hemorrhaging for a week every 25 days. And it is the only 0% guaranteed birth control!

But, it also means no sex for 6 weeks, least, afterwards. And that means NO SEX. I asked. Not just penetration. No orgasms. Nada. Nothing.

FWIW, still willing to back and forth with anyone who I normally would respond to as long as you're willing to wait. No hard feelings if that's too much to ask.

How many times do you think I can between tonight and Tuesday to try to save up/make up for the upcoming drought?
Chronic illness and, well, life
Posted:Mar 28, 2019 7:20 pm
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2019 7:04 pm

I've been trying to write this post for the last few days and I just can't with the right words to say what I want to express.

I have multiple chronic illnesses. I want to say they're both no big deal and they take every moment of every day. It's both the same time.

One of them is very probably going to be fixed for good soon but it's also the one 's making miss going to a munch tonight I really wanted to go to.

Wait. I was trying to be vague on purpose, but I didn't really mean to be for this one. Anemia. I have another medical issue causes anemia bad enough I periodically I.V. treatment for it.

It causes EXTREME fatigue, hair falls out, have weird cravings for non-edible things, and major brain fog. The brain fog is why I can't quite write what I want to write. I wanted to write a lot more about how chronic illness affects one's sex life. But I keep losing my train of thought.

I don't even know why writing this when I can't express what I wanted to. Like I said, this particular issue should be fixed within the next month. (After which I won't be able to have sex for SIX WEEKS!!!! Trying not to think about too much.) Still. I can't wait to have this go away.
1 comment
Posted:Feb 26, 2019 9:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2019 12:56 am

Reading about it turns me on beyond belief.

Trying it, sorta, IRL? Doesn't work the way others describe it for me. Instead of becoming turned on all the time, it completely kills my libido. Which is hard to do!!!

Orgasm denial/control turns me on in my head, but in reality just KILLS my libido.

I don't think I even can edge on my own. I either end up with a ruined orgasm or I cum.

This has been what Ive thought for years and years. It's so hot, but I can'tdo it. (sob)

I just realized today that there might be a way I can do this!!! I haven't tried yet, but I'm going to.

Nipple play. Nipple play with NO physical contact with my clit, just me kind of thrusting because I can't help it... gets me really wet and turned on and throbbing. I haven't done that all that often, but I've always ended it with giving in and making myself cum. But what if I didn't? No touching or grinding allowed? I think that might work. No ruined orgasm. No cumming without being able to help it.

It's possible it won't work at all. Or that I won't be able to resist making myself grind and cum before stopping.

But, I'm pretty excited to try. That this might be the solution to what I thought I couldn' do but so so so wanted to.
A few other firsts for me.
Posted:Feb 3, 2019 5:53 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2019 11:13 am

I've been fantasizing about submissive, exhibitionist, and masochistic stuff since long before I even understood they were sexual.

I've only experienced IRL a small percentage of the things I've thought of and read A LOT (both fiction and non-fiction) about.

Last night I found out that I really do like a few things I thought I might, but wasn't sure about because I hadn't tried them!

1. Nipple pain beyond what I can give myself. I really am awful at multi-tasking. So, I haven't been able to experiment with self-given nipple pain AND concentrate on having an orgasm at the same time. My brain just doesn't work that way. (Yes, it's true that I can't text and walk at the same time.) I've known for a long time that I can cum from nipple stimulation alone. Especially oral stimulation. These examples will sound like stuff I could easily do on my own and while that's true, I can't do them AND focus on cumming. I found out I really like squeezing of my nipples, being pulled, and then being "snapped" let go. And hit with a belt on my nipples. Yes, please. More.

2. Being spanked. In my early days of masturbation, I tried spanking myself. It was more psychological than physical because, again, I can't multitask! This was only the second time I've ever really been spanked. Not just a swat. I got extremely turned on by it. I don't know if it was the physical feeling or the fact that it really did hurt but I was taking it for the enjoyment of the person who was giving it to me. Unlike the belt whacks on my breasts which didn't feel like pain at all, just pleasurable, the spanking actually hurt. He asked if it was too much when I'd make noise, or tense, or (I was over his lap) squeeze his leg. I was so turned on I could only answer no instead of asking for more. (I'm positive that I would have had NO problem saying stop if it were too much. Just to be clear.)

3. Back to the belt. I've never had my nipples or pussy/clit spanked or otherwise hit. It was definitely gentle-ish, but I loved it on my nipples. Being spanked with a belt on my pussy? I want to try that again. Because at the force he was using, I didn't really feel anything at all. No, it was nice. But neither OMG, please keep doing that, nor OMG, please stop.

To add some more information: We don't have official safewords. He would stop if I told him to or even if he suspected I was not enjoying myself. It's a VERY unofficial D/s type of relationship. In Facebook lingo, "it's complicated." But, I trust him 100% and probably more than anyone else I've ever known.

And, yes, this is the guy I referred to in an earlier post about being heartbroken.

I don't know how all of this works for people who are exploring BDSM. My knowledge, which is extensive, I think, is almost all theoretical. I know what I want to try, but I don't know if I will actually like it as much as I do in fantasy. I don't know how to approach that with people IRL. I want a lot more from this guy than he can give (and he can't for extremely practical and non-evasive reasons), but I can still really appreciate that he's able to let me try things out with someone I would trust with all of my life.

Are you at all interested in knowing me in real life? This is how I am. I talk/write a LOT. That's how I make sense of the world. My world, anyway.
1 comment
Even old sluts can learn new tricks.
Posted:Feb 3, 2019 5:18 pm
Last Updated:Mar 17, 2019 5:59 pm

Had an orgasm last night that literally made me say out loud, "What the fuck was that?!?"

I was with a FWB and had just had an intense g-spot stimulated orgasm. Him standing at the end of the bed, me on my back, my legs over his shoulders and he was lifting me up and down. Intense g-spot orgasm.

Then he let me catch my breath and did it again. I came again in seconds. I didn't know that was possible! That's when I said the above quote. He laughed and asked if I was ready for another one. I said, no. He said he didn't care and did it again (FWIW, this was, in reality, totally ok, not non-consensual, to be clear.) And it happened again!

Anyway, that was a first for me. Had no idea it was possible. And I've been around the block, or, to be honest, the city perimeter, a few times. LOL.

For a few more details. the first orgasm like that made me expel him from inside me. (My internal thought when that happened: "OH! That was rude!") And I think I'm glad we're both middle aged and not in the best shape. I might have passed out if he were capable of going on like that.
1 comment
More personal understanding about submission and me
Posted:Jan 19, 2019 6:54 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2019 6:19 pm

I'm pretty sure I'm repeating myself here, but what the hell. I write to figure out my own thoughts. But, keeping those thoughts to myself doesn't work as well as when I write them for an audience. I think I need the motivation of making those thoughts somewhat clear enough for another to understand?

So, I've been reading the book Light Switch by Lauren Gallagher which, I think, is a fairly realistic (as far as a novel that would appeal to people can be) story about someone being introduced to submission. Along with other stuff.

I put myself into the place of the main character and felt like if I was "submitting" to the character in the book introducing her to BDSM, I'd just giggle and laugh and say no the fuck no.

BUT. I'm in a sort of undefined relationship with someone right now who I don't feel that way at all. I can't express how much I wholeheartedly TRUST him. I mean, I'd literally be willing to bet my life that he would never intentionally hurt me and would do anything to avoid hurting me. And I have a deep driving desire to please him. I'm not altruistic. I probably wouldn't feel that way if at least some of what he wants is also what I want. But, that overlap in what we want makes me completely willing to venture into what doesn't overlap. (I really want to use a Venn diagram here; I'm very fond of Venn diagrams.)

I have the feeling like some people might read this and go, uhhhh D'uh!

But, it's a revelation to me. Because, in general, the idea of being submissive to someone makes me laugh and want to do whatever I can to prove otherwise, instinctively. But... not to this particular person. Maybe not to other particular people?

I couldn't submit, willingly, to someone who didn't want to make me happy, too. So, the kinks have to have an overlap. But, it doesn't have to be a full overlap?

FWIW, I'm not in any way whatsoever criticizing anyone who does feel submissive to more people than I'm being particular about here. That would be the same as if I were to criticize people who want to dominate, IMO. Nonsensical.

Not wanting to or not being ABLE to submit to the vast majority of people doesn't make me a "fake" submissive. (If you think it does, that's fine, just move on.)

FWIW, I'm only about halfway through the book. And I've gotten to a point where the Dom character has shown himself to be extremely understanding about the main character's limits and inexperience. I put myself into character's places too much when reading erotica. So, I was not liking the positions she was being put into. (Not literally... situational positions.) But now he's more like the guy I'm with right now. I "failed" him a couple of times and just wanted to shrivel up and hide. It wasn't outright disobedience, it was physical failure, without getting more specific. I'm still feeling ashamed by it, but HE wasn't angry or punitive or anything other than understanding.

Due to lots of reasons, we can't have a more involved relationship than we already do, but he's helped me understand that it's possible. I won't necessarily want to just laugh and tell everyone to fuck off.

I should change my username to something that warns people about how ridiculously verbose I am.
Yet one more figuring things out out-loud.
Posted:Jan 17, 2019 11:57 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2019 6:19 pm

On another platform I asked for recommendations for a book, fiction or non-fiction, that had BDSM, hopefully D/s, scenes that were relatively realistic. I'm about 20% through one of the suggested books. Which, btw, I really like.

Submission. I'm not naturally submissive. Except for when I am. The book I chose to start reading first has the main character trying our submission with a friend of hers who she trusts. For me, reading about how he switches from "friend" to "Dom" makes my stomach drop.

I think I'm on the s-side of things because I really do like to please and I hate to disappoint. Those are extreme emotions for me. But, they don't apply to absolutely everyone.

OTOH, and I'm talking in real and every day life here, if someone tried to "dominate" or direct me, I'd laugh in their face.

For example, I'm in a relationship with a guy who I am submissive to. Not want to. Not need to. Not hope to. I just am. I trust him 100%. He doesn't necessarily want to dominate me (it's complicated) but I just AM submissive to him. Not just sexually, though mostly that. If he wanted me to be high protocal or, well, the list would be long, other things I'm not generally into? Yup, I'd do it to make him happy and THAT would meake ME happy. But any old guy using a stern voice or demeanor, even if they're really good at it? Nope. I'd giggle.

It's really hard for me to imagine that feeling with someone else. But, it's what I want. Even though I don't have an established relationship with this particular person I know that's what makes me feel whole.

So, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Am I a sub? Every part of me resists that in general. But, with very specific people, I can't resist it, even if I try.
More thoughts about labels
Posted:Jan 13, 2019 7:13 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2019 6:58 pm


I only want it during sex. But, I also want it all the time and just regarding sex. With understanding that, hey, sometimes I'm at work or with other people or sick, etc. I crave being owned/submissive in relation to sex and I have a very high sex drive. I love the idea of my sex drive being revved up even more knowing that it could be taken advantage at (almost) any time. I want someone I trust to take advantage of my sex drive.

I also really do love being useful to people and that plays into my feeling like I have submissive traits. I like service. Just not for everyone or anyone. Definiely not to anyone who simply expects it. I need it to be appreciated.

And being sexually submissive doesn't mean that I don't want to cum. I do. Very much. A lot. I like the idea of edging... that it makes one even more turned on. Unfortunately (?) that doesn't work for me. It sounds so delicious! But, if I'm edged too much I lose all interest in sex instead. OTOH, the more orgasms I have the more I want to cum again. Or so it seems. I'd love to have that tested. The more I cum and the more I want to, the more I'm willing to admit the crazy things I want to do. Hence, yes, the reason it's a bad idea to negotiate mid-scene. But, it's a great way to find out what I might want to negotiate later. LOL.

Next, I'm not sure if I'm a masochist or not. I think I like some pain. I like giving myself some sometimes. But, I don't have a lot of experience with that with others so I can't be sure. The few times I felt what I think is mild pain during sex I enjoyed it. But... how do I know what is "mild"? Anyway, it's something I'd like to explore and that I don't think I can figure out like I could with submission without actual experience. The IDEA of associating pain with sexual pleasure turns me on, though.

Bondage. I'm definitely interested in that even though I have very little experience in it. I've tried self-bondage. (And I'm bad at it.) I like it. But, I think that relates to my being turned on by sexual submission. Giving up control.
Discipline: Related to the masochism and submission parts. I want to be punished if I don't submit. I enjoy some pain, but mentally I enjoy enduring pain. I know that I couldn't handle discipline in the sense of being scolded. If I was scolded by someone I wanted to please, that would be much worse than any sort of physical punishment. So, this is weird. I want to be in a relationship with someone who, if they scolded me, I'd be devastated and that they would know that.

I'm figuring out what I want and writing helps me and writing in a way that others can read it makes it more helpful. So, thanks for reading.
1 comment
Thinking about how to update my profile
Posted:Jan 2, 2019 9:31 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2019 7:00 pm

Yes, yes, yes, I COMPLETELY aware that already too verbose. That's me. Verbose. Take it or leave it.

I also know even for anyone who doesn't mind that there's still only so much one can read and take in.

I've been extremely hesitant to meet up with anyone IRL unlike how I used to be here. Somewhat because of a few scary experiences, somewhat because of insecurity.

AND unlike when I was in my early 30s I *really* know what looking for now. very, very particular. Do I write that all out in my profile? Or just wait for someone to write to me here who fits or gets it? Should I write a blog post about it and hope that someone interested in my profile will read it?

Mostly just thinking out loud here. Writing helps me to figure out my own thoughts. Knowing that someone else might read my writing helps even more for some reason. Forces me to try to be more clear.

I really would appreciate any input, though. Even if I end up ignoring it, I'll still appreciate it. Men and women have extremely different experiences on this and other similar sites, so I WANT to know what not considering.

OTOH if your advice is for me to use less words, that ain't gonna happen. It might be more ideal, but I just can't do it.
How did I do this before?
Posted:Dec 25, 2018 9:55 pm
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2019 8:28 pm

I can't remember. This isn't a deep insightful post title. I mean literally.

How long did I message someone before deciding to meet up with them IRL? Did I plan the actual meetup here or on the email address I used back then? How far in advance were meetups planned? Days? Hours? Weeks?

I can't remember.

Whatever it was it worked most of the time.

Since way-back-when I've had a few kind of scary situations with people I've met online and gave my personal information to too early, so I think more hesitant to move things off of TV TS Dating and into real life (email or cell number) than I was back in my heyday.

Other changes in "online dating" (trying to encompass everything related to people looking to connect IR is making this like starting all over again. Texting wasn't a thing when I was here before. Neither was chatting. about the furthest you can get from a Luddite, but still adapting to these changes.

I reactivated an account on a "normal" dating site and apparently because I was using it from the website instead of from an app on a mobile device I had no idea what people were referring to about it.

I hate the phone. I hate making or answering phone calls. SO much more comfortable with email. But texting and chatting? They are like phone calls but worse. You're expected to answer as they happen. You have no time to think through a response to something. But, there's also no tone of voice to help guide what someone meant AND it's expected that you'll be very brief.

I not a brief person.

I can adapt though. I'll figure it all out. I know I had a steep and long learning curve when I first got on this site and ago. sure it will be easier this time. But, I still figuring it out.

I REALLY want to get out there again. But using TV TS Dating is NOT like riding a bicycle like I hoped it would be.

Rant over.
Man problems. Woman problems.
Posted:Dec 22, 2018 8:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2018 8:45 pm

Look, overall, I do think IN GENERAL women have more gender-related problems than men do. I don't want to argue that point in this post (though I'd be happy to discuss it IRL.)

Having said that. Guys must have such a frustrating time on this site and even other more vanilla dating sites. FWIW, women's problems on these sites contribute to the men's problems and vice versa, etc. etc.

I get tons of messages from guys that I can tell are sending the exact same message to every woman. Which I understand. Because the odds of a woman responding are low, so why make any effort.

OTOH, every single woman on here is inundated with messages. It's exhausting to find one that seems like the guy made an effort and actually read your profile and isn't just randomly spamming.

And then there's the majority of men who would like to know that they're being turned down, in a polite way. This is rare for a woman who's spent any amount of time on these sites because there's a very real chance that any man is the one that, when rejected, responds with threatening and insulting messages. When that happens, it's scary and hurtful. Please note that it is a minority of men who do this but almost all women will have experienced it at some point. It's just not worth the risk.

Some messages I get here are obviously from guys who have read my profile but then get kind of scary. Especially if I don't respond right away.

Sorry, I'm starting to get into the problems women have here when I really did mean to focus on my understanding about the problems guys have here. It's just that the problems women have are the reason guys have problems a lot of the time.

I do understand, even if I can't completely get it, that it must be exhausting and demoralizing to have a teeny tiny of your messages responded to.

FWIW, I won't respond myself (and this is VERY personal to JUST me) to one-liners, posts with typos and misspellings, anything that looks like it could have been sent to anyone, anyone who send personal info like a phone number in their first message, anyone who has an extremely generic profile. There's more, but those are the most common ones.

Dammit. I know I wrote this post because another post I wanted to write wouldn't make sense without it, but now I've forgotten my original post topic! Oh well. I'll remember eventually.
Real chicks on TV TS Dating: the experience
Posted:Dec 21, 2018 7:47 pm
Last Updated:Dec 25, 2018 8:15 pm

First of all this is NOT a comparison of who has it worse or better on TV TS Dating based on gender. Not at all.

It IS meant to help guys who message me AND those who are messaging other women.

As a woman who has spent a lot of time here both as an "older" woman and as a woman in a more preferred age range, I have broad experiences about what it's like to be a woman here.


Say something that indicates you read a woman's profile. Of course, this is assuming the woman's profile you're reading and responding to is a real woman and not a bot. Sorry, differentiating the two is beyond this post.

This might be super personal, but, if she has a blog read it.

Understand that even if she's not a bot and if she's super interested she might not want to meet up on the spot. You'd think that might be because of safety reasons and yes, that's a factor. But it's also because women, more than man, kind of have to prepare. Shaving, makeup, outfit, etc.

Guys, you don't have any idea (in general) how many messages women get on a site like this. That's not a brag or a beg for sympathy. You just to understand that there's only so many hours in the day and even the women who aren't the most wanted have to read and delete a lot of worthless emails. If you wrote an ideal one and are perfect for that particular women it still might take a while for her to get to it.

Hey, completely normal guys? about to get a ton of comments and/or messages from guys berating me for this post. Try to understand that that's what the women you're interested in are dealing with.

To link to this blog (rm_chislut) use [blog rm_chislut] in your messages.

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