Thought For The Day...
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Posted:Feb 16, 2010 9:31 am
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2013 6:45 pm
6637 Views
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Thought For The Day
Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings....
we simply continue to fly .........
on a broomstick...
We are flexible....
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I'm so cold........
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Posted:Dec 28, 2009 9:57 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2013 9:50 pm
7204 Views
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I just used my boobs
to keep my face warm!!!!
I'm soooo bad!
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I Will Survive...
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Posted:Nov 19, 2009 8:24 pm
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2009 10:48 pm
6416 Views
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To the tune of I will survive ......
*SING IT GIRLS!!!
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans!
Go on now - go! , Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
A friend of mine sent this to me, and I just had to share it!! Hope you enjoy it...made me laugh so hard I almost fell off the couch!
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Oh Childhood!
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Posted:Oct 20, 2009 6:20 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2013 5:35 pm
6486 Views
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I read a post today by zz_Todd2 about how ignorant of politics we are as . It got me thinking about many things we learn growing up, often in very amusing ways!
I was what some would call a precocious ...actually, I just listened to adults, watched them carefully, and mimicked them much to their dismay at times. I often said and did "adult" things without having any idea what my words or actions meant! Made life interesting at my household anyway!
One time, when I was around 9 I think, my Mom, Dad, and little brother all climbed into the car and went to The Wonder of Life museum. I don't think my parents knew it was a presentation on the basics of reproduction, or they wouldn't have taken us so young! Anyway, my folks seemed awful quiet afterwords, and of course being , we just brushed it off as no big deal--they had lighted outlines of a man and woman, and different "parts" lit up to follow the narration that went way over our heads. I had already figured out long before that it took a man and a woman to make a baby (presumably married mommy + daddy=baby), so the museum didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.
We stopped at a favorite deli on the way home. My brother and Dad went inside to get our sandwiches, and Mom and I waited in the car. I decided it was time to indulge my curiosity, and asked her "Mom, if it takes a man and a woman to make a baby, how does that stuff get from him to her?"
Mom turned red, stammered a little bit, and since she didn't answer me fast enough, I asked...
"Does she drink it??"
To this day, and Mom is in her 70's now, all I have to do is say "Does she drink it" and she's on the floor with laughter!
So what pearl of childhood wisdom did you mortify your parents with??
(see...I can write more than schmaltzy love song lyrics!!)
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AAADD...KNOW THE SIGNS!!
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Posted:Oct 9, 2009 8:25 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2009 2:01 pm
6230 Views
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AAADD
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS...PLEASE READ!
THANK GOODNESS THERE'S A NAME FOR THIS DISORDER. SOMEHOW I FEEL BETTER, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE IT!!
RECENTLY, I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH A.A.A.D.D.
AGE ACTIVATED ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER.
THIS IS HOW IT MANIFESTS:
I DECIDE TO WATER MY GARDEN. AS I TURN ON THE HOSE IN THE DRIVEWAY, I LOOK OVER AT MY CAR AND DECIDE IT NEEDS WASHING.
AS I START TOWARD THE GARAGE, I NOTICE MAIL ON THE PORCH TABLE THAT I BROUGHT UP FROM THE MAIL BOX EARLIER.
I DECIDE TO GO THROUGH THE MAIL BEFORE I WASH THE CAR.
I LAY MY CAR KEYS ON THE TABLE, PUT THE JUNK MAIL IN THE GARBAGE CAN UNDER THE TABLE, AND NOTICE THAT THE CAN IS FULL.
SO, I DECIDE TO PUT THE BILLS BACK ON THE TABLE AND TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE FIRST.
BUT THEN I THINK, SINCE I'M GOING TO BE NEAR THE MAILBOX WHEN I TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE ANYWAY, I MAY AS WELL PAY THE BILLS FIRST.
I TAKE MY CHECKBOOK OFF THE TABLE, AND SEE THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE CHECK LEFT.
MY EXTRA CHECKS ARE IN MY DESK IN THE STUDY, SO I GO INSIDE THE HOUSE TO MY DESK WHERE I FIND THE CAN OF PEPSI I'D BEEN DRINKING.
I'M GOING TO LOOK FOR MY CHECKS, BUT FIRST I NEED TO PUSH THE PEPSI ASIDE SO THAT I DON'T ACCIDENTALLY KNOCK IT OVER.
THE PEPSI IS GETTING WARM, AND I DECIDE TO PUT IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR TO KEEP IT COLD.
AS I HEAD TOWARD THE KITCHEN WITH THE PEPSI, A VASE OF FLOWERS ON THE COUNTER CATCHES MY EYE--THEY NEED WATER.
I PUT THE PEPSI ON THE COUNTER AND DISCOVER MY READING GLASSES THAT I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR ALL MORNING.
I DECIDE I BETTER PUT THEM BACK ON MY DESK, BUT FIRST I'M GOING TO WATER THE FLOWERS.
I SET THE GLASSES BACK DOWN ON THE COUNTER, FILL A CONTAINER WITH WATER AND SUDDENLY SPOT THE TV REMOTE. SOMEONE LEFT IT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.
I REALIZE THAT TONIGHT WHEN WE GO TO WATCH TV, I'LL BE LOOKING FOR THE REMOTE, BUT I WON'T REMEMBER THAT IT'S ON THE KITCHEN TABLE, SO I DECIDE TO PUT IT BACK IN THE DEN WHERE IT BELONGS, BUT FIRST I'LL WATER THE FLOWERS.
I POUR SOME WATER IN THE FLOWERS, BUT QUITE A BIT OF IT SPILLS ON THE FLOOR.
SO, I SET THE REMOTE BACK ON THE TABLE, GET SOME TOWELS AND WIPE UP THE SPILL.
THEN, I HEAD DOWN THE HALL TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT I WAS PLANNING TO DO..
AT THE END OF THE DAY:
THE CAR ISN'T WASHED
THE BILLS AREN'T PAID
THERE IS A WARM CAN OF PEPSI SITTING ON THE COUNTER
THE FLOWERS DON'T HAVE ENOUGH WATER,
THERE IS STILL ONLY 1 CHECK IN MY CHECKBOOK,
I CAN'T FIND THE REMOTE,
I CAN'T FIND MY GLASSES,
AND I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I DID WITH THE CAR KEYS.
THEN, WHEN I TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY NOTHING GOT DONE TODAY, I'M REALLY BAFFLED BECAUSE I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAMN DAY, AND I'M REALLY TIRED.
I REALIZE THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM, AND I'LL TRY TO GET SOME HELP FOR IT, BUT FIRST I'LL CHECK MY E-MAIL....
DON'T LAUGH -- IF THIS ISN'T YOU YET, YOUR DAY IS COMING!!
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Go Texas Tenors!!
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Posted:Sep 14, 2009 9:12 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2009 5:24 am
5356 Views
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Yeah yeah...I know..."it's a sex site"...but it's my blog, and if the Texas Tenors don't win America's Got Talent this year, I'm not watching it again (at least until next summer!)
On a sexy note, I'd do any one of them in a heartbeat!! LOL!!!
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America's Got Talent?
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Posted:Sep 9, 2009 8:09 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2009 5:17 pm
5580 Views
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Hey...
There is a tradition at my house...every summer we watch every single episode of America's Got Talent. We pick our favorites, and cheer them on every week.
The choices this year have been different...too much emphasis on showmanship and not enough on honest talent. I can't say I agree with the top ten that will be on next week hoping to win, but I do wish them the best.
Now, I don't know about anybody else, but here's my opinion of what's going to happen this year. Since my early favorites, the Bollywood dancers are gone, I think it's going to come down to a fast and furious race between the Kentucky chicken chaser who sings country, and the Texas Tenors, a trio of men who wouldn't have to ask me twice...what eyes and smiles!!
But, I am almost willing to bet money that Grandma Lee, the 75 year old stand up comic is going to pull an upset victory.
What do you think?
(what can I say...keeps me off the streets at nite!)
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A History Lesson...
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Posted:Sep 2, 2009 8:51 am
Last Updated:Sep 22, 2009 5:48 am
5517 Views
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I'm quite fond of the history of words and expressions. When one finds out where some of these expressions come from, you either laugh or cry. It makes me wonder what some of today's favorite expressions will come to mean in 500 years! We might want to start blushing now!!
Here's a small list to start...feel free to add your own! Who knows? We might all learn something!
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the . Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous..
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus,someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer....
And that's the truth...
Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !
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I'm Melting!!
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Posted:Aug 18, 2009 4:10 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2013 7:27 pm
5066 Views
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Wow...has it been hot! Ever feel like you were in The Wizard of Oz wishing that nasty little girl would throw that bucket of water on you??
But as they say, it's not the heat, it's the humidity! I really hate getting out of the shower and not getting dry! Maybe I should buy stock in baby powder? I will give credit to the 2 $20 Sunbeam window fans I bought a few weeks ago at Walmart...they did keep my guy & I dry enough that we didn't just unceremoniously slide off each other and land on the floor!
Now for those of you that have noticed that I'm originally from San Diego, please note that the humidity there is maybe 10% on a bad day, and the temps are usually in the mid 70's. I love the change of seasons here in NY, even shoveling some snow now & then. Those of you who think Florida is Nirvana, please have your heads examined and lay in a large supply of Gold Bond...
Ok...done venting for this week.
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One Month and Counting Down...
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Posted:Apr 21, 2009 5:16 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2011 4:56 pm
5195 Views
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Well, it's just one month until I head home...it's an uncertain time, as we still haven't figured out where we're going to stay. I'm going to look for some work to help tide us over financially, and hopefully I'll be able to find a new friend for that all important leisure time.
If anyone is actually reading these silly posts, they'll know I thought I had, but alas...still stings, as he's quite the Civil War historian, and here I am in the middle of most of the major battle areas(been to Pennsylvania, Virginia and Georgia since New Years). Was kind of hoping for a tour guide of sorts...hmmmm.
I've been spending alot of time looking at profiles, and smiling at a few folks here and there...who knows? I know the right guy is out there. Just be patient with me boys! Once bitten, twice shy as they say, and if I seem a little overly cautious, you should know why by now.
My, but I do tend to ramble on, don't I??
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