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Advice needed- going stir crazy  

Dalliance69 40M/40F  
5 posts
11/16/2017 6:24 am
Advice needed- going stir crazy

Wife is semi-retired having had a baby 3 months ago. Sex is painful for her now, and she isn’t feeling sexy. I still find her sexy as all hell and have tried to allay any concerns she has on us rushing things in bed.

Want to ease her back in to her tigress mode when she is ready. I am no saint though. Definitely getting pent up with a lot of frustration. Do I broach the idea of her watching? Maybe I learn to be a monk? Do I take her to lifestyles club to help her feel sexy again?

Figuring others have experienced this in the past. Would love to hear suggestions.


BiggLala 47F  
27588 posts
11/16/2017 10:21 am

Want to ease her back in to her tigress mode when she is ready.
-Then stop trying to make 'sexy' be about sex. The two are not necessarily related, and a woman who feels sexy doesn't always mean she wants sex.

Based on what you wrote, it seems your intent is to get her interested in having sex again, rather than truly getting her to feel sexy again. It's perfectly understandable to want to have sex with your wife. Obviously, I don't know the nature of your relationship with regard to whether you both work outside the home, the distribution of household responsibilities, and caring for your child. I suggest you start with those areas by temporarily taking on a few more duties where you can...get family involved if you can as well. Give her more alone time away from domestic responsibility...even if it's just to take a relaxing, uninterrupted bath. Also, try just flirting with her without it appearing that you just want the flirting to lead to sex (not saying you do...just be aware).

You'd be surprised at the little things that make a big difference.
Lastly, if she (you) haven't already, make sure she sees her doctor to be sure it isn't postpartum depression.

Good luck!

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pocogato12 67F  
31232 posts
11/16/2017 2:53 pm

Having worked in OB/GYN for many years Lala's advice is EXCELLENT

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group

Dalliance69 40M/40F  
2 posts
11/16/2017 7:24 pm


Agreed on sex & sexy not being the same thing. She has said she isn’t feeling sexy and might be in a different part of her life. She wants to be a mother right now. So, the two concepts though separate are interrelated. She is trying to reconcile feeling sexy while being all consumed by motherhood.

Your advice and tips were certainly valid. I have been mindful of each of the suggestions and trying to chip in more. Definitely more I can be doing.

Probably just need to wait it out. Thanks for the great advice.

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